Hard Lessons are the Best Ones

What a weekend. Sometimes you just have those days that drain you physically and mentally, and leave you craving nothing more than chocolate, coffee, and mindless television. Well, that was yesterday for me. The weekend got off to a great start. I recently joined a young professionals group in Dallas, and Saturday morning we volunteered at the Marathon Kids Final Mile Celebration in Addison, where we organized over 5,000 elementary-aged children to run the last lap of the marathon distance that they had been working towards all year, and earn their finishers medals. It was an inspiring event to volunteer at, especially as a youth coach, and I was extremely impressed with the organization - I definitely recommend checking them out. They offer FREE health and fitness programs to elementary children with the incentive of running a marathon and earning various prizes and, of course, the finishers medal. Of course, we were all standing around out in the sun for 5 hours, so I think everyone ended up a little dehydrated, but it was definitely worth it. The kids had a blast, and all of them were very proud of their achievement. Ken came down in the afternoon, and after taking Jake to the dog park, we had Steve and Renee over for dinner. Which leads me to a confession - I cannot have company over and not make a big production out of it. I just can't - I learned it from my step-mom, Gail, and it has stuck with me. So we had goat gouda cheese, pate, olives, strawberries, and a bordeaux to start, then garlic pork cutlets, grilled asparagus, and butternut squash risotto with a merlot, and finished with a lemon tart (from Whole Foods - strongly recommend it, it was fabulous!) and tea and coffee. We sat and talked long after dinner, so the upshot of this was that Ken and I didn't even start getting ready for our race the next day until about 9:30 that night, and we had eaten a not-so-healthy meal with plenty of not-remotely-healthy alcohol on the side, and had a massive pile of dishes to tackle (in fact, we still have that massive pile to tackle... tonight, perhaps?). Yeesh. But we made it to bed with everything essentially ready to go, and woke up at 5:00 the next morning with our game faces on, ready for Tri Cowtown, my first triathlon of the year and Ken's first triathlon EVER... until we realized that it was 40 degrees outside. Perfect triathlon weather - NOT! But we sucked it up, packed the car, and hauled over to Benbrook in record time. I ran packet pickup while Ken set up in transition, the whole time thinking about how much I HATE cold weather racing. Specifically, cold weather triathlon racing. I can run, and I can even bike, but doing both after getting soaked through ahead of time... the fact is that I just don't like it. Mentally, it puts me into a tail spin where the only thing I can think about is the point where the race is over and I have a hot shower and a cup of tea. Not where my mind needs to be pre-race!! Things didn't get any better, either. The minute I started my swim, I knew things were off. My legs felt heavy and weak, and Tifany quickly passed me, with Liz staying right on my toes after she caught me from starting 20 second behind. When I finally got out, I didn't have time to be relieved, because it was straight out into the cold, gray morning to start a windy, hilly bike portion. Again, my legs felt like rocks. I averaged 16 mph on the bike, and I felt like I was going to die I was working so hard. I also had the slowest T1 ever since I layered up with fleece and cycling socks, throwing any notions of a quick change to the wind as soon as the literal wind hit my body after the swim. By the time I was winding up the bike, I knew I was far, far behind the time needed to do an exceptional job either overall or in my age group. All I had left was the run, and that was my saving grace. The start of the run was rough, because my feet were like heavy blocks of ice, but as I warmed up, my legs finally, FINALLY kicked into gear, and despite wind and a couple of significant hills, I was able to pull a 23:16 5K. Not great, but acceptable. The only bright spot in an otherwise disappointing race day. (On a happier note, Ken, did a fantastic job for his first race, and even beat me by a little over a minute - I was and am VERY proud of him). I would have so liked to blame this on the conditions, the day, the other racers... anything other than myself. But I can't. The fact is, that despite all my big talk, I continue to be lax in my training, and constantly fighting (or not fighting, depending on the day) a lack of motivation. I'm not training like a member of Team USA should be, and I'm ashamed to admit it. I also hate to admit that I still have to deal with the after effects of being sick back in 2009 (2009!), and that there are days when it's a fight just to be awake and active. It makes me feel weak and like less of an athlete and it is very hard for me. But ultimately, I'm not reaching my full potential because I have been letting the ball drop in the face of stress and lack of time due to work, forgetting that for me, training is an essential part of my work, and one of the things that makes me able to be a great coach. So shame on me. The good news is that this is why I had an "emergency" meeting with my coach this morning to discuss the problem - and come up with a solution. Once thing that motivates me is training with others - so from now on, all of my swim workouts will be with DAM. I paid my membership dues this morning. In addition, I will do Thursday night track every week, and as many group weights sessions with Ahmed as I can squeeze in. Second, I will start logging my nutrition again, even if it is only one day a week, so we can keep an eye on my percentages, and upping my carbs and lowering my fat intake. Third, I will send feedback every day, even if it is just a simple "yes" (if I did the workouts) or "no" (if I didn't). Ever since Europe, I've been trying to get back on track, and failing over and over, though I have been doing more actually workouts since I made my Lent resolution - but, as a coach, I know that workouts are only part of the whole picture, and alone are not enough to ensure a decent finish at a World Championship event. I know this, now I must act on it. And I plan to. As if this lesson wasn't enough, we also had a Playtri coaches meeting yesterday that contained some hard but good lessons as well. Obviously what we discussed there is confidential, but let's just say that it wasn't until after that meeting that I was ready to cram half a chocolate cake in my mouth and sit on the couch for the rest of the day. Not because I was depressed, but just because I was so mentally, emotionally, and physically drained from the entire day. I didn't shove that cake in my face, just in case you were wondering. Ken and I actually had a lovely, quiet night, and we went to The Common Table over in uptown, where we split a bottle of Zinfandel and I had a roast chicken quarter with corn succotash and roasted root vegetables, and Ken's friend Peter from his graduate program joined us for a drink while we were eating. I left the cake for another day. And now it is Monday again - a little chilly and gloomy outside, but a great day for me because I'm feeling a renewed motivation for my job and for my training. I'm looking forward to the rest of the week - and a little more quality time with Ken tonight. Happy training everybody